God says that he wants us to prosper. God tells us to trust him with our life. God also gives us free will. He allows us to open the doors he places in front of us. Whether we choose the right one or not…it is up to us, and we may not even know the right one at the time. I made a choice two years ago. A choice that forever altered my future. A choice, right or wrong, was made. I could look back and decide if it was right, or wrong. I could look back and think that it was a horrible choice…or a great choice. Unfortunately I look back on the choice often. Something that I honestly can say isn’t a healthy thing to do. When one does this constant looking back…you never see what is in front of you, you never see the door that God places in front of you that is waiting to be opened. You miss out on life, fun, people, and new experiences.
However, with all of this said, two years later I am thinking it was a wrong choice. I always thought I wanted to be in an area close to the beach, sun, and even-temperate climate. But I miss the mountains more each day. I miss my family more each day. Heck, I even miss my ex wife more each day. She is the one person out there that truly understands me…and even tolerates me. I can ask for an honest opinion and I know I’ll get it…except now I don’t really have to take it (Ha ha….just kidding Shannon). But I can say I do value her opinion. and I’ve learned over time, that she will be honest, and truthful…which is what I need. We’ve had some great talks and many things don’t include the kids, I consider her one of my best friends.
This memorial day weekend there are a lot of thoughts going through my head, the wrong or right choice I made two years ago, getting out of higher education, do I follow a passion, or just change careers, or just be a poor broke student. What to do? Too many things to think about…I need to pray instead.
I titled this Larry Crowne, after the Tom Hanks movie that I have now seen several times. It’s about a guy who loses his job and has to start over. He starts school, goes through a divorce, a foreclosure, etc. Almost similar to my life. He tries to learn from past mistakes, he tries to learn “new tricks,” and he tries to reinvent himself. Something I thought I would do moving out to California. I’ve changed jobs, already did the divorce, became an “empty nester”, and yes went through a foreclosure…oh and I am still in school. But not to reinvent myself, but to move my career along…you know the one I am thinking of changing.
But why does this happen to us? I think this is the age old question that every human goes through at one point in their life. Do I do this, or go here, or change this? What do I do God?!?!? I want answers now…I don’t want to wait. But I do have to question the fact that i am 51…I am not getting younger…in fact I am getting older, at least my body is telling me that. Weight gain, bad knee, foot, and now a wrist problem. But I would like to think that its not the age, but the hard, rough mileage I’ve put on my body. So…is this a question I really should be asking, was it right or wrong? Do I need to make a change, or should I make a change….or should I invest in the lottery and win big!! But if I look back, two years ago besides coming out to California, there was an opportunity in Louisiana, Illinois, and even in Colorado (but a LOT less money than what I was getting paid at MSC). Or should I have taken door number 2 and moved back to Littleton, gotten a part time job, focused on finishing school, been close to my kids, family, and my mountains? I’ll never know…but I do know one thing…I missed out…or did I?
Did I miss out on life? I missed out on seeing my kids every week or even every day for the last two years. I’ve missed seeing my parents, and after my Dad’s stroke last December, time is getting shorter and shorter with them. I missed out on warm summers, the flowers blooming, the lake and my sail board, climbing a 14er, or taking the top off the jeep and enjoying the sights and sounds of the city and the country. I missed out on loud thunderstorms, the first snowfall of winter, or being outside in January when its 65 outside. I guess I did miss out on life…because all of these people and experiences are what is important to me.
But did I miss out? I’ve gotten to see San Francisco, own season tickets to a MLS soccer team, drive up and down the coast, go down Lombard Street (you know, the crooked street in SF), drive AND walk over the Golden Gate Bridge, see the Muir Woods (very tall trees), see the boardwalk in Santa Cruz (the same one in Lost Boys), see Big Sur, watch the fog roll in, watch it roll back out….and roll in again. I’ve see three different types of whales from a boat out in the bay. I got to see ice plants for the very first time. I got to experience Carmel (peeps, its no different than Aspen, except Aspen is prettier), I’ve gotten to find the offices of Facebook, eBay, Google, You Tube, Yahoo, and many others. I drove through Oakland…and lived! I got to meet up and have three hours of great conversation with an old high school friend in Chico. I really can say that I do know my way around San Jose, and San Francisco, and yes LA. I got to see Endeavour fly over Monterey, and then see it in the California Science Museum. I’ve meet new friends, and some that I don’t really need to see again. I’ve get a kick out others when they say 50 is too cold and 70 is too hot. But I’ve learned that a light coat is with me all the time now. I’ve seen 25 pound wild turkeys…and you don’t mess with a 25 pound wild turkey, they get down right mean. I’ve seen snakes longer than the width of my suburban, I’ve heard the coyotes howl at night, and the splash of the whales breaching in the ocean.
There is probably a lot more I can list on here and a lot more I can see. But to go back to the question, did I miss out? I still say yes, because my home has been and always will be Colorado. California is just a place I am temporarily staying. What is the tag line for Colorado now? Colorado for life…or maybe it should be Colorado is where life is!
I think I’ve had probably more experiences than the average person or maybe not. But nothing can replace family, close friends, and…well…the mountains of Colorado.
Till the next time….